I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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