He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i need some magic done to my vagina
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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