I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
