i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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