Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
