I like my sex mixed with concussions.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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