Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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