we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
