two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
