I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
