I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
