Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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