OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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