just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Panties = found
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
