I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize