Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
