She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
