Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
