Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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