The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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