too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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