Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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