I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My ATM looks so different sober.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I could fuck to npr.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
