beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
