you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize