From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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