matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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