Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
