babies were throwing up all over the place
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
