i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
