Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
