if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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