I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
