Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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