I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
