He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
