if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
