Christians are straight up FREAKS
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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