I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
