and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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