i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
