Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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