My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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