I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
