Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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