i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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