I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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