just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
