Sry I called you an 8
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
