i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
