like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize