So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
