It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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