tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
