We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
