how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
