he shaved USA in his pubs
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize