i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found the puke drawer
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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