Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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