My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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