If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
