On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
