There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
