there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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