I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
