You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
