Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize