meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Found the puke drawer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
