he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
